Gundamflowne
by Lee Asato
Summary: What happens when Van and the gang goto earth in serch of Hitomi, only to meet up with the G-Wing boys? Parody, Humor, Hinted Yaoi, Relena and Hotmi Bashing
1. Be Afraid!

Gundamflowne  
  
  
Van gazed at the stars, he missed Hitomi, and he was really starting to wonder what kind of world she came from. He clutched at the energist he held.  
" Well here I go" He murmured to himself, holding up the energist and letting the pillar of light in gulp him.  
By a small campfire in the forest, Allen looked up from his sizzling fish, noticing the pillar of light reaching up into the heavens.  
" Oh no" he exclaimed jumping up abruptly, " Van! Wait"  
Selena, who was sitting by his feet watched meekly as her brother, raced through the bush.  
"Allen..." She whined, jogging after her brother.  
Merle, who was sitting atop the barn that held the escaflowne, gasped as she saw the great pillar of light rising from within the forest. And she recalled Vans words to her mind 'don't worry, I'll be back in awhile, just don't follow me' Merle leapt from her perch and raced of into the dark woods. There was no way he was leaving without her.  
Van started to rise off the ground, and he closed his eyes in the blinding light.  
Van smiled to himself he was actually going to the mystic mo..... "Ahhhhhh!" he screamed, as something grasped onto his leg tightly.  
He looked down and found Allen trying desperately to pull him back down.  
"Allen let go of me!!" he raged kicking at Allen's head with his free foot, but Allen just grabbed it to, pulling still harder.  
" Van you're the King of Fanalia, you can't just disappear of the face of Gaea!"   
" Grrrr! I'll do what I want! Now let me go!"  
The two struggled, and Allen soon realized he to was lifting from the ground.  
Selena came into the clearing, and let out a cry when she saw her brother floating away.  
" Allen! You said you wouldn't leave me alone!" she cried slinging her arms around her brother's waist.  
" No Selena! Let go! Please Selena" Allen urged starring helplessly down at her.   
Selena fiercely shook her head, and held him tighter.  
Merle burst into the clearing, and her head shot up at the rising figures, which were now just reaching the top of the tree line.  
" You're not going to leave me behind!" She seethed, climbing, swiftly up a close by tree. Once at the top she leapt off, closing her arms firmly around Vans neck.   
" Merle" Van snarled. " Get off!"  
"Never" She replied resting her feet on Allen's head, but still holding onto Van.  
"Merle!" Allen shrieked, get off my head!"  
Merle just stuck out her tough at him.  
And they all fought frantically with each other through the whole departure.  
On the decent down to earth, they all stopped fighting to gaze in awe at their surroundings.  
Once on the ground, the awkward pile of Fanalians untangled themselves from each other and stood up.  
"Wow!" Merle gasped, "neato!"  
Van looked hopefully around, but were he landed was different from the last time he had come, and there was definitely no Hitomi in site. He was on the same kind of surface, but, it wasn't the same, the other had many dotted lines on it, this had one. He scratched his head in disdain. And was aroused again when a distressful scream left Allen's mouth.  
"Dilandau!!!"  
Van spun on place, and noticed, a scared and stressed out dilly, looking around in a horror filled spasm.  
" Were am I?" he whined falling to his knees. Then his head swiveled and gazed at the other three.  
" Where have you taken me!" he choked out, holding back tears.  
Van looked down at him, "you are on earth, or the Mystic Moon, if that sounds more familiar to you."   
Dilandau starred at him, then slowly glanced around. " You speak the truth" he whispered more to himself then to Van. "But why are we here?"  
"I've come to see Hitomi" Van replied blushing.  
Dilandau seemed to be contemplating things to himself. Then he looked at Allen. "You're my brother, aren't you?"  
Allen, who hadn't spoken since they'd arrived, nodded.  
"I recall, living with you over the past few months" Dilandau said in an almost sane tone. " I won't hurt you, or anyone else... Promise" Dilandau said with unblinking eyes.  
Everyone looked to Allen. Who nodded again, "Yes, I believe you brother" he answered almost in a whisper, and reached to help Dilandau up. "Were in a strange world, and should not fight amongst our selves"  
"Allens right" Van nodded, "So lets keep our past behind us."  
Merle, who had remained silent, suddenly screamed shrilly and ran off, the hard surface.  
The others looked up and noticed two shining eyes, moving swiftly towards them. All screamed with terror and ran to stand with Merle, as the short gleaming eyed thing raced by, and in the faint light almost seemed to give off a metallic shine.  
"What was that!" Allen questioned, watching as it disappeared over a small slope.  
Van drew his sword, "I have no clue but let's find Hitomi, she'll know. I'm sure of it"  
So together they walked off down a smaller tiled walk, made of the same substance.  
They walked in silence, watching many more of the strange creature's zoom by, and lucky for them they didn't stop.  
Around sunrise they were all getting a little weary, they've been walking all night.  
"I'm pooped" Merle whined collapsing to the ground.  
"The sun burns here... I like it" Dilandau said slyly eyeing Merle. "Are cats flammable?"  
"AHHHHH!!! Lord Van!" Merle screamed hugging Vans legs, "he's going to cook me!"  
"Dilandau!" Allen said sternly glaring at him.  
"I was just asking" Dilandau huffed folding his arms across his chest.  
"Ha ha ha ha" Van laughed out loud while shaking his head. "It's not everyday you see Dilandau do that"  
"Grrrrrr!!" Merle snarled clenching Vans leg in her teeth.  
"AHHHHHHH! MERLE!"  
As they fought, Allen glanced back at the road, which the odd creatures seemed to run on.  
And noticed that they almost looked man made, like melifs or something. While observing them one slowed and pulled onto the side of the road.  
The odd humming sound died and the machine went still. Then there was a sudden clicking sound, and what seemed to be a door opened from it's side. And a fairly tall boy, a little younger then himself stepped out. Allen drew back, and placed his hand on his sword's handle.  
"Who are you?" he asked keeping his voice calm and steady.  
The man starred at him, then started laughing, "Aren't you guys a little late, Halloween was 7 months ago."  
"Huh?" They all replied in unison, starring at him blandly.  
"Um any way, My names Duo Maxwell, do guys need a ride, you look pretty beat." He gestured pointing to the vehicle behind him.  
They all starred at him, totally confused.  
"Do you know a girl named Hitomi?" Van asked hopefully.  
Duo shook his head, "Sorry, why you lost?"  
"Yes actually, see were from this place called Gaea, it's an invisible planet orbiting this earth, and we wanna visit a friend of ours, could you help us find her?" Allen questioned, loosening his stiff posture.  
Duo starred hard at them, they seemed dead serious about what they were saying. "You guys are an odd bunch, but sure I'll help you, you can all come with me, I'm heading to my friend Quatre's house, he won't mind if I bring company"  
The Fanalians looked at each other, and finally all agreed they could use some help. They all followed Duo back to his car.  
And after, learning how to wear a seat belt and where you can get in and sit Duo started the horse less cart, and they were off.  
"Wow, what a neat machine" Merle exclaimed looking out the window at the passing scenery.  
"Wow, you guys are really from another world aren't you?" Duo asked watching as they all looked in amazement at his cars design.   
"You didn't believe us?" Van questioned tilting his head.  
"I'm still not sure what to believe" Duo said with a laugh.  
Van just starred at him in disbelief.  
Meanwhile in the back seat, Dilandau was eyeing the gizmo with a smoking stick on it. "Hmmm" he moaned, pressing on it. The thing went down, and he watched it intently. Then it sprang back causing Dilandau to jump in fright. He eyed it intently, and then decided to pull on it. When it was out he looked in it and saw smoldering embers, "Heeeee!" He squealed watching it intently.  
And back in front, Van was fiddling with knobs and things. He got to the door part and noted the long slim black thing. Curiousity over took him and he pulled it. The door burst open, and out went Van.  
"AHHHHHHHH!!! What the hell!!" Duo screamed, slamming on the breaks, causing the cigar lighter to burn Dilandaus forehead.  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! He screamed in pain.  
Duo jumped out of the car and searched desperately for the black hairded man.  
"Oh God!! Where is he!!" Duo said becoming frantic.  
Van gentle floated down in front of him.  
"What's wrong?" he asked tilting his head.  
"AHHHHHH! This is to much!" Duo screamed in fright stepping away. "Now I know you really are from another world.  
Van gave him a sad look, drawing in his wings, and was about to speak when he noticed a high long wailing from within the cart.  
Allen quickly jumped out of the car dragging a screaming Dilandau, Merle followed.  
"Lord Van! Are you alright?" She asked while checking him for bruises.  
"Fine, what happened to Dilandau?"  
Allen held Dilandau down, and tried desperately to stop him from crying.  
"It burns!!" Dilandau yelled, trying fiercely to get up.  
"We need a healer" Allen turned in hopes to Duo, who was hyperventilating.  
Duo shook himself and ran to his car to fetch the first aid kit. And returned with some rubbing alcohol and a gauze patch.  
Which he applied to Dilandaus burn.  
Dilandau let out a shrill scream, and Allen gave Duo a dangerous glare, "What did you put on him!" he demanded threateningly, Duo gave a quick explanation which made Allen feel slightly better.  
And in a short while they were back in the car resuming their course.   
This time Duo had taken precautions, by first removing the cigar lighters, then locking the doors. Ordering them sternly not to touch anything.  
They pretty much rode in silence, not again daring to touch the interesting little knobs and buttons. Dilandau's continuous whimpering made the only noises.  
Finally after around a half-hour, Duo pulled his car into the driveway of a large castle like house.  
"Is your friend a king?" Van asked almost hopefully.  
"No, why would he be?" Duo asked wonderingly.  
"Because I'm king of Fanalia, and my castle is only a bit larger then your friends house."  
"YOU'RE A KING!!!!?" Duo screamed drawing back, "Man things keep getting weirder and weirder, this has go to be some sort of nightmare."  
The whole of the Fanalians looked confused.  
"We are all real people" Merle said suddenly, cocking an eyebrow at 'em.  
" No your not, this is weird, to weird, Quatre!" Duo yelled running up the front porch and through the front door.  
"Do we follow him?" Allen asked stepping out of the car.  
"I guess" Van answered stepping beside Allen.  
"That guys crazy," Merle said casually while cleaning off her paws.  
Dilandau stepped in beside Allen, still holding his forehead and reapeting "it burns" to himself over and over again.  
The four of them walked up to the front door, knocked, then heard a stressed scream from inside.  
"It's them!!! I told you they were real, there freaks I tell you!!"  
And they were sure it was Duo saying that.  
Still, they waited, and in a minute, a man the same age as Duo, with short scruffy blond hair opened the door.  
"Hi", Quatre said with a kind nod, "Come in please don't wait outside"  
"No!!!" They heard Duo scream from somewhere in the house.  
But Quatre just ignored him and showed them in.   
He brought them into the living room were two others sat.  
"Well let's introduce ourselves, kay?" Quatre asked the bleak faced men.  
"This is Trowa," Quatre gestured to a boy on the couch, with long bangs that hung over half his face.  
Trowa raised a hand and nodded.  
"And this is Heero" he said pointing to the other boy, which oddly resembled a brown haired Van.  
"Hmm" Heero replied with absolutely no expression.  
"And you are?" Quatre asked turning to Van and the others.  
"I'm Van, King of Fanalia"  
"I'm Merle"  
"Allen Shezar, knight of kaly"  
"It burns, it burns, it burns, it....." Dilandau said in a half dazed kinda trance.  
"He's Dilandau" Allen answered for him. "Or actually my sister Selena"  
This Quatre glared at.  
"Long story" Van swiftly added.  
Quatre smiled and gestured them to sit. 


	2. Frightened?

Gundamflowne  
Part 2  
  
They all sat down on the fine linen sofas and Quatre noticed Vans hard look.  
"What's wrong?" he asked taking a seat himself.   
"I came here to find Hitomi, but everything's different... last time I came she was running towards me, but this time... it was different..." Van replied sullenly   
"Well do you know her full name?"  
"Hitomi Kansaki"  
"And do you no where she lives?"  
"No, I'm afraid I don't"  
"Hmmm... Heero can find anyone, Heero will you help him find his friend?"  
"Yah, sure" Heero replied dryly getting off the couch. "Van, come with me"  
Van nodded and followed Heero to a room with a flat box like thing in it, which Heero sat down in front and started typing on the keys.  
"What's that?" Van inquired leaning over his shoulder for a better look.  
"It's called a laptop computer, you can find anyone on it" Heero said now waiting for a screen to load.  
A long list of Hitomi Kansaki's came up and Van stood dumb founded.  
"There's so many of them"  
"Yes, now tell me which picture is of your friend" Heero droned on bringing up a page of pictures.  
Van looked over one after another, and then finally found the Hitomi Kansaki he remembered.  
"That's her!" He yipped pressing his finger to the screen.  
"Get your filthy fingers off my computer" Heero warned sternly brushing Van away.  
Heero brought up her stats and printed it out.  
"Here, go ask Quatre if you can call her, she lives in Tokyo Japan."  
Van took the sheet and wandered back into the living room, were Allen and Quatre were no chatting over wine.  
Quatre looked up when he entered, "You found her?"  
Van nodded.  
"Well lets call her and invite her up to see you guys, so phone her up okay?"  
"What's a phone?" Van asked scratching at the back of his head.  
"Right, that's fine I'll do it." Quatre smiled reaching over and picking up what looked like a radio unit. He punched the buttons on it and sat with it to his ear, in a moment he began talking asking to speak with Hitomi.  
Merle sat down beside Van, and whispered up to him, " I think there all crazy, the Trowa guy won't talk, Duo is hiding in a closet, Heero is emotionless and the Quatre guys talking to himself."  
But Van just ignored her, completely, watching Quatre talk enthusiastically into phone.  
"Great!" Quatre yipped with a smile, see you soon, bye" he put down the receiver and smiled at Van, "She says she would love to see you guys again, and is leaving as soon as possible, she'll probably be here in the late evening.  
Dilandau sat on the couch, starring meekly down at the dress he was wearing, "hmmm" he moaned pouting.  
"That's a cute dress" Quatre complimented with a smile, sitting down beside him.  
"Eeeeee!!!" Dilandau squealed pressing against Allen's side.  
"So this is your sister?"  
Allen looked over at his sister (currently brother), "well actually this is my brother, he was my sister back on Gaea." He replied simply.  
"Oh! Sorry....he he he" Quatre blushed.  
Dilandau squirmed uncomfortably, and decided to explore a little, swiftly he leaped off the couch and ran out of the living room, and he could faintly here Allens stern voice calling him back.   
Dilandau ignored him and started to explore the first thing that he noticed was the long winding stairs reaching up to the floor above.  
He started to climb, and after reaching the top, noticed the many rooms.  
He wandered over to a room, which he guessed was the washroom; he looked around and noticed a white gleaming bowl like thing to one side. Curious, he walked over and looked in.  
It was full of water, and Dilandau was starting to get thirsty.  
* * *  
Back down stairs, Merle was watching the Trowa guy carefully, noting that his expression hadn't changed since their arrival.   
"Grrrr!!" she snarled leaping to the back of the couch and walking up behind him.  
"SAY SOMETHING!!!!!" She raged whacking him hard on the back of the head.  
"Ha!" Trowa grunted spinning around. "What do you think you're doing?" he sounded annoyed.  
"You hadn't spoken since we got here, and I had to wake you up some how." Merle said with a grin.  
"Well..." Trowa started, "All you had to do was ask me something!" he said shoving Merle off the couch.  
"Merle!" Van yelled jumping up and running to where she was laid sprawled across the floor.  
"Ermmm..." Merle shook herself, "I'm okay..."  
Trowa shook his head, then got up and walked out of the room.  
* * *  
Duo grunted, his legs were beginning to get rather cramped up, and he desperately needed to stretch, so cautiously, he slid open the closet door, and tumbled onto the bathroom floor near the sink.  
Swiftly getting up, he was about to make haste when he noticed Dilandau drinking ravenously from the toilet.  
"AHHHHHH!!" He screamed backing from the washroom, where he collapsed on the floor, then crawled into yet another closet.  
"It's all a dream, a dream, dream..."  
All of a sudden, the door opened, and again Duo fell to the floor with a heavy thud.  
A tall figure loomed over him and he cringed in fright.  
"Leave me alone!! Please!" Duo screamed, running in a blind fright. But as he got up the person grabbed his collar yanked him back.  
"Ahhhhh! I'm not ready to die!" He wailed kicking franticly at his captor.  
Trowa yanked Duo back and swung him around, holding a firm grip on his arms.  
"DUO! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!"  
Duo opened his eyes to look at a very angry Trowa, only inches from his face.  
"Trowa!" He yipped hugging him tightly, "Your real I know your real"  
"DUO!"  
"Thank-god! It was only a dream right, right?" Duo asked hopefully.  
Trowa sighed. And the next moment Duo was back in the closet, only this time, he was being restrained with ropes.  
Trowa walked off down the hall, and he was pretty sure someone should call Wufei and ask him if they could borrow a straight jacket for Duo.  
When he got to the stairs, the tall longhaired man named Allen greeted him.  
"Um? Excuse me, do you have a brush I can borrow?"  
Trowa nodded and pointed to the washroom.  
"Thanks" Allen replied, going in the direction he was told.   
He walked into the washroom to find a sopping wet Dilandau, examining his burn mark in what appeared to be a mirror.  
"Allen" Dilandau said almost cheerfully, turning to face his brother, "You should really try some of the water here it's great!"   
Allen gave him an odd look, before playing gleefully with all the available hair care products.  
Dilandau cocked his eyebrow, "Strange" he muttered with a shrug, leaving the washroom and heading downstairs.  
When he walked in the room, Quatre was now wearing a cape and chefs hat the read 'Burn' on it.  
Dilandau starred at the word for a bout two seconds before screaming and running from the room.  
Van looked up from the glowing box called a TV and let the control slid a little from his grip.  
Heero, who held the other controller dryly said "I won"  
Van returned his attention to the screen, and noticed that his Pikachu had fallen off a wall.  
"Van, you can't let your attention slip while playing Super Smash Brothers 16"  
Van looked longingly at the screen.  
"I killed Pikachu, I can no longer play."  
"Yes you can, watch"  
Heero brought up the next screen, and again Van had the choice of choosing a new character.  
Van grinned, and was about to select Jigglypuff when the doorbell rang.  
Heero reached forward and Turned of the Game Sphere( you know nitendos game cube? Well...). "I believe your friends here.  
Van perked up immediately and waited while Quatre went to the door.  
There was a pause and then the voices of two girls screamed at the same time.  
"VAN!"  
"HEERO!" 


	3. Terrifyed?

Gundamflowne  
  
Van trotted over and starred gleefully at Hitomi… but man, she hadn't changed a   
bit. Merle hopped over and sat next to Vans leg, and Hitomi ran in wrapping her arms   
around Vans neck.   
"I Missed you so much!" she swooned.  
Merle snarled, "Hullo Hitomi"  
The other woman walked in a looked around, her hair was long and golden, but   
Van still thought Hitomi was prettier.  
Relena looked around, at all of them, "Heero… Heero… Heero…"  
Quatre smiled, "he's in the living room."   
Looking in a complete daze, she slowly shuffled away.  
Van, Hitomi, and Merle followed, her.  
  
* * *  
  
Dilandau came to the top of the stairs, water still dripping off the sleeves of his   
dress. Looking idly down he grinned slyly as a interesting idea came into his head. The   
stairs were long and winding, spiraling down.  
"What are you doing Dilandau?" Allen asked coming out from the washroom.  
"Hee hee" was all he could reply as he mounted himself on the railing. "Bye   
Schzar!" He yelled as he zoomed spiraling down.  
Allen's eyes bulged, "DILANDAU!" he ran to the stairs, but missed the first step   
in his rush.  
"Ahhhhh!" he screamed as he began to tumble down the entire flight of stairs.  
  
* * *  
  
Van sat down with Hitomi at his side, and she leaned on his shoulder, Merle sat   
watching them, hissing quietly under her breath, before she ran off and down a corridor,   
not wanting to watch any more.  
Quatre sat down beside Trowa on another Sofa, and watched as Relena looked   
sadly around the room.  
"Heero… Heero… Heero…" she continued to repeat over and over.  
Van blinked, "Has she not learned to talk?"  
Trowa actually replied, "Ever since she met Heero that's pretty much all she says"  
Heero had buggered off somewhere, Van didn't blame him, she did look to be   
annoying.  
Hitomi snuggled against him, "Van… Van… Van…"  
Van shook his head, poor Heero, how could he stand it.  
Relena wandered over to the stairs, and looked longingly up to the second floor,   
"Heero…?  
"Weeeee!" Dilandau screamed as he neared the bottom, "Ha ha ha!" He looked   
back over his shoulder noticing it would be impossible to stop, and to make things worse   
this stupid stoned looking girl was standing right at the end of the rail.  
Relena's eyes widened.  
"Weeeee!" Dilandau screamed again flying off the railing and right into her,   
knocking them both into a mangled heap. Seconds later Allen came tumbling   
unconscious down and landing sprawled on top of the two of them.   
The commotion brought everyone in the living room to the stairs.  
Van blinked, Hitomi gasped, Quatre screamed, and Trowa… did nothing.  
Quatre bent over rolling Allen off the top and looking at his bruises, "Oh Dear!   
Someone get the nurse!"  
Hitomi knelt down beside the other two. "Oh Selena, Relena are you alright?"  
Dilandau pushed himself up, and looked over only to find himself nose to nose   
with Hitomi.  
He grinned and bit her nose.  
"Ahhhhh!!" Hitomi screamed jumping away, holding he her now bright red   
snooze. "Van! Selena turned back into Dilandau!!!"  
Van glared at Dilandau, then comforted Hitomi, "She turned back after we got to   
earth"  
Dilandau blinked innocently, then smiled evilly and again ran off up the stairs,   
only to come flying down seconds later only to smack into Relena yet again as she had   
just gotten back up.  
The nurse came in and hauled Allen away, and Relena, noticing what was going   
on around her for the first time, immediately turned to Van, shaking his shoulders.  
"Who is that silver haired cross dressers name!"  
"Uh… Dilandau?"  
Her eyes widened, once again inheriting that glazed stoned look. "Dilandau…"   
she mouthed as she began up the stairs, "Dilandau…"  
The 4 remaining people stood starring after her.  
  
~*~   
  
Dilandau reached the top of the stairs for the third time, ready to ride the rail   
again, hopefully that stupid woman would break his fall once more. As he was mounting   
the rail ready to slide he looked up to find himself nose to nose with her, and she was   
repeating his name over and over as if in some trance.  
"Can I help you?" he asked raising and eyebrow.  
"Dilandau… Dilandau… Dilandau…"   
Dilandau immediately gave up, kicked her over, and flew off down the railing,   
then seconds later ran back up to find that she was still sitting on the top step. He looked   
up to see a closet at the hallways side, and with ease he lifted her up, opened the door and   
threw her in, clicking the door shut after. "Stay in there!" he yelled before running back   
to the rail for the 4th time.  
  
~*~  
  
Duo looked up in shock as a pale dressed blond haired woman was thrown in   
beside him. Squirming up to get a better look he screamed seeing that it was Relena, and   
began flailing wildly.  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Oh god!!! Someone please help!!! I'm trapped in a closet with   
Relena!!!!"   
Relena looked at him for two seconds, before she stood and began banging her   
head off the door slowly, and with every bang she said one word. "Dilandau" Thump!   
"Dilandau" Thump!  
"Oh god, please be quite!! Get me out of here!!!!" Duo screamed flailing   
helplessly around trying to break free of his restraints. "I'm gonna die!!!"  
  
~*~  
  
Quatre scratched his head, looking around the room, and for the first time noticing   
Duo's disappearance. "I'm going to go find Duo" he said nodding to everyone before he   
left the room. Remembering seeing him upstairs, he headed up to the first level only to be   
knocked off his feet as the physco brother/sister thing zoomed past on the railing. He   
gasped catching his breath, got up and continued going. Once he neared the top he heard   
wild screaming, and a steady thump off a wooden surface. He noticed the bulging closet   
door ahead, and reached out unlocking and opening it.  
Relena fell out landing flat on her face were she stayed. And Duo bound and tied   
leapt forward, Quatre catching him as he fell.  
Duo screamed frantically, wriggling out of Quatre's hold and landed rolling of   
and tumbling painfully down the stairs. Quatre clapped a hand to his mouth, and went to   
get his friend when he remembered Relena. He turned nudging her with his foot. She   
didn't move.   
Slapping his head Quatre looked over the rail to see a still wriggling Duo laying at   
the bottom of the stairs. "Nurse!" he yelled, then turned, and locked himself in the closet,   
this thing was getting unreal. 


	4. Going Insane

Gundamflowne  
Part 4  
The Insanity Depletes… Or Does it?  
  
Merle trounced off angrily down through the large mansion. Stupid Hitomi, finally the   
had gotten rid of her and now she was back. She found herself at a large set of glass   
doors, leading out to a mega huge garden and patio area. She scratched around until   
finally she opened it, only to bang into some unseen barrier head long. She shook her   
head and sniffed around. Everything seemed normal, perhaps it was speed that was   
needed. Backing up a bit, she took a flying leap. BAM! She fell back head spinning   
bouncing once more off the unseen wall.  
Heero looked up from his laptop, which he had taken with him outside the minute he   
heard that insistent voice at the door. He saw the catgirl thing laying dazedly sprawled in   
the house, just past the screen door. He stood, walked over and slid it open, looking down   
at her in question.   
"What do you think your doing?" he demanded taking out his gun and aiming it her.  
Merle blinked a few times before leaping up and swiping the gun from Heero's grasp,   
holding the barrel inches from her nose.  
"Ohhh! What's this?" she questioned pulling at different things on the gun, while looking   
down the barrel.   
Heero hit stealthily out of her paws, just as she pulled the trigger. The shot sounded   
through though the house, and Merle screamed running in circles. In seconds, Van   
Hitomi, and Trowa had run in, Van looking quite confused about the whole issue.   
Merle leapt and latched onto Vans leg, screaming, then turning to hiss at Heero. Hitomi   
bent and hugged Merle to comfort her. While Trowa simply raised and eyebrow to Heero.  
"I thought you got rid of your gun?" he asked picking it off the floor.  
Heero didn't say a word, just turned and walked back outside.   
Van looked around, "Where is Prince Quatre?"  
Hitomi laughed kicking Merle away from Van, "Prince?"  
"He owns a place, he must be"  
"Didn't we already confirm that he wasn't" Trowa said sullenly empting the gun.  
Van blinked, then pushed Hitomi away. "I better go see how Allan is doing… and god   
help us find Dilandau and get him under control"  
  
~*~  
  
Allan woke with a killer headache, and looked around to find himself laying in a large   
infirmary. He sat up rubbing his head, noticing another unconscious figure laying   
bundled up in a bed next to his, and another beside that. He stood, and prodded the first   
figure… it didn't budge. He through back the covers to see a long golden haired girl   
laying face down on the pillow. Immediately getting bad vibes. He went on to the second   
figure, which he now noticed was squirming around. He pulled back the covers to she   
Duo, bound and gagged looking totally terrified. Allan pulled off the gag and Duo   
screamed that same second.  
"What's wrong?" Alan asked, "Are you hurt?"  
Duo took a deep breath and stared at him, then his eyes glazed over, traveling over to   
Allan's long golden hair.  
"Wow… I never realized how nice your hair was…" he complimented dazedly. "Can I   
braid it for you?"  
Allan looked at the long bangs falling over his face, then down to Duo's long Braided   
hair. "Then can I style your?" he asked Duo hopefully.  
"Yes" Duo said nodding, "Untie me first though"  
Allan went and grabbed his sword from beside his bed and slashed off the restraints. Duo   
leapt up running his fingers through Allan's hair… "oh! So soft! What Shampoo do you   
use?"  
Allan raised and eyebrow, "Shampoo?"  
Duo clapped a hand to his mouth! "You mean you've never used shampoo?"  
Allan shook his head.  
"God! Then we must do this right!" Duo gasped in shook dragging Allan away, out of the   
room and to another huge bathroom. He pulled up a chair and told Allan to sit. "So   
you've never had and organic experience?" he asked as he began pulling Allan's hair   
back as he tilted his head back in the sink, washing it down.  
Allan shook his head.  
Duo gasped, grabbing a bottle of Herbal Essence from the counter, and began to wash   
Allan's hair.  
  
~*~  
  
Dilandau landed at the bottom of the rail with a thunk, finally bored with the whole thing.   
So he got up and began wandering down the halls, in search of something perhaps a little   
more destructive. As he came to an unvisited area of the home, he heard a familiar but   
scary toned voice echoing out of a room up ahead. Slowly he crept along, finally peering   
in around the corner. His jaw dropped.  
Allan and Duo were both dancing around the washroom, towels tied about there waists,   
bubbles flying every which way. Suds were running from there hair down there chests   
and they were singing as if in a drunken stupor.  
"I've got the urge! The urge to Herbal!"  
"What in Gaea's name!" Dilandau shrieked taking a step back.  
Duo looked up, and a wide grin crossed his face, "Say Allan, how about we give your   
sister a makeover?"  
Allan didn't know what that was, but he followed Duo's lead, as they tackled Dilandau,   
dragging him screaming into the washroom.  
  
~*~  
  
Van left Hitomi and the others, traveling down and around, in search of the others that he   
had so carelessly forgotten about. He checked the upstairs once more, this time Quatre   
was the one who fell from the closet, landing with a thud on the floor. He looked at Van   
embarrassedly, blushing, saying that the Brother sister thing had put him there.  
"Will you help me find him?" Van asked hopingly  
"Sure" Quatre said forcing a smile, damn, why did he have to be such a good host.  
Together the wandered around the upstairs, then went back down, covering the portions   
that Van hadn't been to get. As they walked a bone chilling scream rang through the   
house, one that could belong to no other.   
"What was that?" Quatre asked sounding shook up.  
"That's him" Van said, sheathing his sword and racing off down the corridor.  
Quatre followed nervously behind, and finally the stopped before a closed door. Merle   
Hitomi, Trowa and Heero, were there, looking confused and scared.  
Quatre ran and hid behind Trowa, and Van moved everyone back.  
"Alright, when I open the door, be prepared to tackle him everyone" Van ordered, resting   
his hand on the knob.  
More blood curdling screams.  
"Arrrrrgh!!!" Van yelled fling back the door. Everyone tensed.  
Duo and Allan looked up in confusion, Duo's hair long and flowing, Allan's hair done   
into one long braid.   
Everyone starred in disbelief. Screams from behind the two became more frantic, and   
suddenly Dilandau burst through between them screaming as if he were being murdered.  
Everyone took one look at his face before falling over bursting into historical laughter.   
Except for Heero and Trowa, but a smile did make there lips.  
Dilandau's face was as girly as girly gets. He had eyelash extensions, curled hair, thick   
lavender eye shadow, ruby red lipstick, and bright pink blush all ever so carefully   
applied. His nails were painted purple, and his silver hair curled like Selena's with a bow   
tied in it. The dress didn't help either.  
And for the first time that day, the old fire within Dilandau's heard roared a deadly blaze,   
and he flew out of the room, jumping on Heero's chest and biting his head.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sophie: Gomenasai everyone, I'm running low on new idea's, perhaps it will be better   
again my the next chapter. Please keep up the reviews, there greatly appreciated and I   
love to hear what you thing. Domo, Ja Ne 


	5. The Insanity Blazes

Gundamflowne  
Part 5  
The Insanity Blazes!   
  
Dilandau gnawed fiercely on Heero's head. While everyone watched in disbelief. Heero   
stood, as if nothing was going on, as if he was asleep or something.  
"Heero?" a familiar voice came from down the hall. "Heero? Heero? Hee Heero?"  
Everyone watched in silence, as Heero eyes slowly moved to look at Relena who stood,   
stoned looking as normal, his eyebrow began to twitch, as she slowly shuffled towards   
him. Suddenly he seemed to become aware of the physco boy attacking his head.  
The group saw it coming, backing away huddling in the corner.   
Suddenly, Heero burst, "AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" he laughed insanely throwing his head   
back and his hands up, knocking the girlish looking Dilandau to the floor.  
Dilandau snarled, leaping to his feet, "You will die for that!!!!" he screamed challenging   
Heero.  
"AHAHAHAHA!!! YOUR MAKE UP"S RUNNING PRETTYBOY!!!" Heero yelled   
back with a laughing tone.   
"MOECHEA!!!" Dilandau screamed tackling Heero head on.  
The group slowly slid down the wall of the hallway as the to physco boys began fighting   
fiercely.   
As if they had hit a switch, both Heero and Dilandau stopped dead, eyes falling eerily on   
their comrades. Everyone froze, watching the boys stone eyes, feeling them boring into   
them. Slowly they approached.  
"And where are you going Vannie-boy?, Schzar?" Dilandau said licking his lips.  
"We didn't tell you that you could leave, did we?" Heero almost seemed to sigh,   
knocking the still oncoming Relena back to the floor with the others.  
  
~*~  
  
"Heero? Hee hee Heero hee"  
"Va, Va, Van Van Van Van, Va Va"  
"Heero... Heero Heero?"  
"Van! Van Va Va Van!"  
~*~  
"Uh...."  
"Well there certainly getting along well aren't they Trowa?"  
"..."  
"Trowa?"  
"Quatre, you didn't give him his pills today did you?"  
"What pills?"  
"His depressants"  
"Oh... I suppose I didn't"  
"I knew this was going to happen"  
"How So?"  
"Because you would pity him and forget to give him his pills"  
"Oh shut up"  
"Well now it's gonna be blown to bit, all of it"  
"Quiet"  
"Don't cry to hard"  
"SHUT UP!"  
~*~  
"Uh.. thing?"  
"I'm not a thing I'm a catgirl!"  
"Well if you're a cat girl climb down"  
"I'm a little occupied you Allan wanna be"  
"Well then you are a thing"  
"Why?"  
"Cause yo can't climb down, cat's can climb you know"  
"Well maybe if you weren't tied to the other end it would make things easier!"  
"Oh! Miss kitty, your in for a kicking!"  
"Ahh! Van Sama!"  
~*~  
"Allan?"  
"Yes Van?"  
"I'm going to kill your sister"  
"Me to Van"  
"Say Allan?"  
"Yes Van?"  
"I didn't realize what nice eyes you have"  
"Thanks Van"  
"Oh... Uh Allan?"  
"Yes, Van"  
"Didn't they take your sword to?"  
"Yes Van"  
"WELL THEN WHAT THE HELL IS JABBING INTO MY LEG!"  
"Eee! Van I can explain"  
"Oh God! I'm not making you horny am I?"  
"Van, Please, your making a scene"  
"Ahhhhh!! Oh God!, SOMEBODY PLEASE UNTIE ME!!!"  
The group sat, tied and bound, Hitomi face to face with Relena, sitting up. Quatre and   
Trowa back to back. Duo and Merle hanging from their wrists slung over a high strung   
tree branch. And finally Van and Allan tied so that Van was laying full body on Allan.  
"You will die! You bloody maniac!" Dilandau screamed firing a blast that blew up a   
large portion of Quatre's garden.  
"I'm not the best pilot on earth for nothing!" Heero screamed sending a beam just   
missing Dilandau, and destroying more surrounding area.  
"Well to bad I'm not from earth!!" Dilandau retaliated delivering a heavy blow to the   
apposing Gundam.  
Heero's Wing Zero took the impact, before launching forward hitting the Sandrock head   
on.  
  
"I see the start of another war coming" Quatre sighed shaking his head, "yup"  
"Your fault"  
"I didn't invite the physco"  
"Still"  
~*~  
"Few... well, I'm all kicked out"  
"Good!"  
"Rat"  
"I'm NOT A RAT!"  
"Then why the heck are you stuck in a tree!"  
~*~  
"Vaaaaaaaaaan.... Vaaan, An Van, Va."  
"He He, Heeeero, Hee Hee, Ro ro, Heero"  
~*~  
"Van please calm down, this is embarrassing enough as it is"  
"Calm down? How can I possible calm down, I'm laying on top of my friend, with his   
'thing' throbbing on my leg! How should I act"   
"Well at least you aren't being crushed, your jabbing me to"  
"WHAT!!!"  
"Yeah, in my left thigh"  
"Your making things up to make yourself feel better!"  
"No, I'm quite sure, and it's hurting me a little, I did fall down a huge flight of stairs"  
"I'm NOT HORNY!!"  
"Well he 'little van' doesn't agree"  
"Your sick!! Pervert!"  
"I'm a knight, I don't lie"  
"I can't take this!"  
"Van... what are you doing... Van!! If you roll if down that hill they will step on us!"  
"To late for complaints!!!!"  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
There we go, I think that part made up for the boring last one, ^^ hope you enjoyed, more   
still to come ^ ^. Domo, Ja Ne 


	6. A Screwed up Ending

Gundamflowne  
Part 6  
God Help Us All!  
  
"Oop? Wonder what that was about?" Duo said dangling limply watching as Van and   
Allan tumbled off down the slope to where Heero and Dilandau were venting there rage.  
"That's it I'm getting down! Van Sama!! I'll help you!" Merle screamed beginning to   
pull down on her side of the rope.  
"What are you doing rat" Duo asked as he slowly began rising up to the branch as Merle   
lowered herself. "It's a super long drop little freak"  
Merle kept struggling, "Cats always land on there feet."  
Duo sighed as she continued to struggle, finally she had lowered herself enough that with   
one more good yank she would fall, Duo coming after.  
"Okies well people don't always land on their feet" He said nervously as he lay slung   
over the branch, the catgirl dangling from the rope around his wrists.  
"Ha!" She shouted as Duo flipped over the branch and she fell lightly towards the   
ground. She landed perfectly standing to bow, when a screaming Duo came crashing   
down into her from above.  
"Ouch! That's got to hurt huh Trowa"  
"A great deal, yes"  
"First Heero and that thing start fighting, then Allan and Van roll screaming down the   
hill, now Duo falls out of a tree crushing that catgirl flat."  
"Yeah but what can yeah do"  
Duo shook his head, pulling himself up, noting how loose the rope on his wrists was. He   
slipped them off then looked down. "Ha ha ha! Humans may not land on their feet, but...   
Ratgirls make perfect landing pads"  
  
~*~  
  
"AHHHHHHHH!!! VAN YOU IDIOT! YOUR GOING TO KILL US!"  
"AHHHHHHHHH"  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!! OH KNOW!!! ROCK!!!!!!"  
THUD   
"VAN! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"  
"ALLAN!!"  
"WHAT NOW!"  
"LITTLE ALLAN BURST THROUGH AND IS TOUCHING MY STOMACH!!!"  
"YOU SAY I'M THE SICK ONE! VAN! IT'S A FREAKING LEAF!"  
"NO IT'S NOT"  
"VAN! IF YOU DON'T NOTICE MY FACE HIS ALMOST ON YOUR STOMACH!   
LITTLE ALLAN IS ALMOST AT YOUR KNEES"  
"Alright Allan, I still don't believe you, sooooooooo"  
"DAMN IT VAN NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIN"  
  
~*~  
  
"Well they stopped for a minute... I wonder how the managed to get around that massive   
boulder so to keep rolling?"  
"Eh, who knows ol'Quaty who knows" Duo said as he untied Trowa and Quatre. "Who   
knows"  
  
~*~  
  
"DIE!!!"  
"BURN!!!"  
A huge explosion followed as the two massive gundams slammed into each other,   
blowing to oblivion.  
"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Dilandau screamed flying out of the cockpit and zooming through the   
air.  
Heero didn't scream, he just suddenly seemed to revert to his old emotionless self,   
landing stiff as a board and bouncing to a halt beside a flattened Merle.  
  
~*~  
  
THUD  
Van and Allan finally stopped, bouncing lightly off a tree at the bottom of the hill. They   
both lay panting heavily, when Allan suddenly noticed that the ropes had come loose   
around them. He stood nudging Van with his foot.  
"Van, get up, were free"  
Van looked up, and looked around, then stood quickly thrusting his arm into the air,   
"Yeah!!! Whooooo hoo!!"  
Things seem to fall silent, all but a growing scream, Van and Allan blinked, there eyes   
slowly moving to fall on a shrieking figure zooming at them at tremendous speed.   
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
The massive ball of flesh blood, hair and rope flew screaming a few feet, before landing   
with a thud on the grass.   
Van looked up to find girls panties starring him in the face. "WHAT THE!"  
"OH JUST SHUT UP!" Came Dilandau's voice from somewhere below.  
Allan tried to move, wriggling a little, "Shoot"  
"What?" Van asked averting his eyes from the blinding linen.  
"Yeah?" Dilandau demanded.  
"I think were stuck"  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN STUCK!" Dilandau screamed up from between Allan's legs.  
"I mean that I think that were tied up again!" Allan yelled looking up and away from   
Van's Ass.  
  
~*~  
Hours Later  
~*~  
  
  
"So Quatre, What ever happened to those other guys?" Duo asked stretching out his   
arms leaning back on the Sofa.  
"I really don't know" he shrugged, "But I'm actually glad there gone, they were way   
weird" Quatre replied with a smile.  
"So what happened to the women?" Trowa asked suddenly from across the room."  
"Well", Quatre blushed, "Duo, I think you killed that catgirl"  
Duo frowned, but then smiled, "Oh well, no one on earth knew her right?"  
"And Relena and Hitomi?" Trowa further inquired.  
Quatre went feverishly red, "Well, I kinda kicked them down the larger hill behind my   
house"  
"And?"  
"The landed in the river"  
"Then what about Heero?"  
"He's in the infirmary, loaded down with depressants"  
The three burst into laughter forgetting all there problems.  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile, that night at the bottom of a steep hill with a chorus of chirping crickets and other such things, the three boys still lay tangled in a matted ball of bodies and rope.  
  
"Well, it's obvious they meant to forget about us" Van said, his head falling back hanging limply.  
"Brilliant, it took you this long to realize that?" Dilandau sighed watching a chirping cricket crawl past his nose.  
"Hey guys?" Allan suddenly broke in.  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you ever get the feeling your going with girls cause your supposed to?" Allan asked sullenly.  
"What do you mean Allan?!" Van said feeling himself tense.  
"He means dummy that have you ever considered men over women" Dilandau snarled hitting Van in the head with his leg.  
"Well?" Allan further inquired.  
"Well, personally I never really thought about woman, I mean, I lived with Folken and my slayers and the other male soldiers, it wasn't a problem"  
"Yeah... I lived for the longest time with only the men from my crusade"  
"EWW!! OH GOD! I CAN"T BELIEVE YOUR SAYING THIS! YOU TWO ARE SICK!"  
"Oh shut up you homophobic freak! Do you have anything better to talk about?" Dilandau snapped, "Oh!! What do you know! You head is on my ass! And Schzar's head is on yours!"  
"Ahhhhhhhhh!!! PLEASE I WANN GO HOME!!!"  
"Aha ha ha ha" Allan laughed slapping Dilandau's hand the best he could. "Van! We freaked you out good"  
"WHAT?"  
"Idiot! Were not gay! We planned to freak you out, also to see, no one that isn't gay would make such a huge issue over a homosexual type convoy" Dilandau almost laughed.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
  
~*The End*~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Well, that's it, the ending is a little weird, but hey, anyways I hoped you enjoyed Ja Ne. 


End file.
